Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
