This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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