Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
