i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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