just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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