you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
only you would photoshop your dick
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
