I'm going to jail i love you
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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