We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
