We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
