I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
