Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Who died my cat blue again?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
that is very illegal...i love you.
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