I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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