you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
