Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
