i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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