How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
