do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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