If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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