all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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