Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I am one with the molecules
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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