why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
