lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
