Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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