ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
