this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
