If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
