whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
When did angry sex become our thing?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
