You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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