all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
