I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
