Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
