So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
