the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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