I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
