The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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