All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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