2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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