just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
