i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
