i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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