I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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