I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
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I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
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Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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