Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have fence marks all over my body
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
