he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
