Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
