Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
