what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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