you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
