Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
