some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
