Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
