remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
