she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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