i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
