If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
