Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
