Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
