My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
