i was born a porn star she said
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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