Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
