If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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