so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
