How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
