thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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