Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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