I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
