I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
