Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
