He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
