called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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