How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
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Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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