He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
