How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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