Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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