Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
