God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
