Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
