is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
