I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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