if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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