I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
