That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
