The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm šš»š
We are so blessed
At least Iām an āessential employeeā and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesnāt ask why Iām essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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