a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
