i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
