oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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